water table fun! (or, how to get cuteness overload!)

because this video is too great not to share.

rebel without a shoe (or, how to question authority)

ok, ok, i know it's been a long while, but i was busy. write 2 papers a week for four months and then see how much time you have!

anyways, quite a bit has happened since last we spoke. emmi is now running around like crazy: climbing, jumping, and squeezing through any obstacle in such a way, it would make even the best catburgler jealous. she has also learned to test her limits. this is both an annoyance and a source of pride to me. i am proud that she questions authority; the only problem is that *i* am the authority. i am convinced that she knowingly does this, too. just before she does something, let's say, shake the side table with the lamp on it, as i'm saying no to her, she will look at me as if to say, 'i'm gonna do it anyway, beotch!' and then look me right in the eye and smirk at me! then when i get up to stop her, she runs away giggling like an effin' hyena! she has also invented several interesting ways to remove her shoes and socks. and then there's the touching. if it isn't nailed on, strapped in, glued to or otherwise attached, she will grab it. i know my father is looking down on me laughing his ass off every time i tell emmi to stop touching things she is not supposed to touch.

emmi is very much into the baby talk now as well. she can say a few words and even some simple sentences, but for the most part it's gibberish and sounds, although i wouldn't be surprised if someone told me that she was speaking mandarin chinese.

then there is the big news: emmi is going to be a big sister! yup, due almost exactly 2 years apart from emmi. we are doing the same thing as the first time around - we won't know if it's a boy or girl until it's on this side of the uterus.

she's gonna be a great big sister, but i can see this conversation taking place:

'ok kid, let's get a few things straight…rule #1: i'm in charge. rule #2: don't forget rule #1.'

'gagaga…'

'ok. glad we're on the same page.'

then they will both find their way into the cupboard and re-decorate the kitchen using flour, sugar, and chef boyardee cans.

stop laughing at me, dad.

the sippycup (or, how to provide a terrible example)

so along with grown up food, we've been trying to introduce emmi to that grand chalice of toddlerhood, the sippycup. so far we've only managed to get juice on places of the house mr. clean himself would overlook. it's a slow process: give it to her, she puts it up to her mouth for 4 seconds, shakes it up, sloshing juice around and all over the place. despite the claim that the cup is 'leak-proof', it is apparently not emmi-proof.

so the other day i'm trying to re-re-re-re-re-introduce the sippycup to her. she does the 4 seconds to the mouth, tires of the thing, and tosses it away. i say to myself 'maybe i need to show her how it works!' so as i take the thing, put it up to my mouth, and start to sip, some juice does come out, and right down the wrong pipe. i spit out what's left in my mouth and start coughing, flailing all over the dining room like i'd just inhaled a habanero pepper. as soon as i get myself composed and under control, i look over at emmi. with a big smile on her face, she laughs and does a 'fake cough'. 11 months old and she has already learned how to mock me.

the wiggle worm (or, how to say 'no' 37 times in 10 seconds)

i don't know when exactly this happened, but my nearly 10 month old daughter can now physically overpower me. i know i am not the most athletic of specimens, but i would have thought i could outmuscle a baby. yeah, well...

first off, she head butts like she's the effin' junk yard dog. one second she's sitting nicely in your lap, then *wigglewiggleconk!!* she has almost broken mine and kathy's nose. it has gotten to the point that i flinch when she moves at all.

she also moves around very easily as well, which makes diaper changing and loading into the car seat a challenge. it used to be easy when she couldn't flip onto her belly, now she twists and turns like a frickin' gymnast. the only chance you have to get the diaper on and her pants back in place is whatever the closest distraction you can find. otherwise, she does her best mary lou retton impersonation and you are left with a baby on her belly, a diaper half attached to her ass, and a knotted pair of pants in your hand. when you finally get one leg in, she kicks out of that leg just as you've struggled to get the other leg in. (repeat this process about 4 times) then there is the onesie. there is nothing more deflating than finally getting her pants on and then realizing you forgot to button up the damn onesie. now you are hoping you can lower the pants down just enough that she can't kick a leg off before you can snap the effin' thing under her butt.

wanna go for a drive? hope you got an extra 15 minutes so that you can tire her out enough to strap her into the carseat. she will twist, turn, stand up, stretch out, wiggle, flail, and kick until you manage to get her finally buckled in. and the strength and speed with which she does this would make houdini jealous. every now and then she will cooperate, but some days there are so many limbs flailing that you'd think you were trying to strap in a greased up epileptic squid.

so yes, she's gotten to the point that i've seen a lot of kids go through, what i call the 'wiggle worm' stage. i know she can do things that i would get a hernia if i were to try, but at least i know i can beat her at arm wrestling. i'm pretty sure anyway.

photo caption fun (or, how to cure writer's block)

i know, i haven't posted anything in a while, it's been a busy couple of weeks, which i'll get into later. in the meantime, i saw this picture in kathy's camera and thought it would be amusing to put corny captions to it.

'you want me on that wall. you need me on that wall!'



'mr. gorbachev, tear down this wall!'



'we don't need no education...'