who is this guy anyway?

i'm joe. i live in new jersey with my beautiful wifey and my daughter emmi. i am a full-time professional daddy. i refuse to say 'stay at home dad' because i am rarely home. being a parent is a strange thing.

i am a first time parent. my daughter is the first grandchild, the first great-grandchild, the first girl in my family since jehovah knows when. a first time parent needs to learn a lot real fast, and this test doesn't grade on a curve. you either eff up or you don't. it isn't the type of job you can get away with doing a halfass job either.

anyone without kids who tries to give you parenting advice is full of shit. they've never been drooled, vomited, shit, or peed upon at 3am. they've never had to assemble a car seat. i don't care how often their nieces and nephews come over, it isn't the same.

that being said, i don't know what the hell i'm doing. there are times when i just look at her while she's screaming and say 'what did i do to break her and how the hell am i gonna fix her?' sometimes you come up with the silliest shit you can think of, and no matter how ridiculous it sounds, you think it's the best idea ever.

writing this is one of those silly ideas. this is a place for me to rant, rave, brag, bitch, complain, praise, expose problems, and offer solutions, however dumb they may be. basically, i'll describe what it's like to be a daddy. i hope you enjoy it, but if something i write here offends you, too bad. if any of this becomes helpful to you, great. if not, you at least know that i've been pooped on in the middle of the night, and that will at least give you an interesting visual.